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Is it my fault if my husband's Chinese speaking isn't improved?
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rezaf -

my chinese level is beginner. i have a few chinese friends and i spend about 6 hours a week with
them to practice speaking but i don't find it that useful because the normal chinese people have
no idea about the problems that a beginner is facing. they don't have the patience to correct me
or to repeat something by giving more examples and in the end i just find myself enjoying playing
biliard with them but no progress in speaking chinese. when you want to speak to him don't speak
to him as you speak with other chinese. be his tutor and make conversations about simple subjects
in the everyday life even if you two already know the answer and encourage him to make long
sentences and wait for him to finish the sentence. it will look silly like acting in a play but i
wish i could find someone to do it with me.



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thph2006 -

It's great your husband is so interested in learning your language. I'm sure helping him learn
must be frustrating work but I know you'll find it's worth the investment because it will make
your family even closer. So maybe the real question is how do you help him achieve his goal with
minimum pain?

I went through a very similar situation with my wife where learning became more frustrating than
useful until her parents came to live with us for a while. Neither spoke any English and I, for
all intents and purposes, couldn't speak Chinese. When I tried to say something in Chinese my
mother in law had this great knack for figuring out what I was trying to say and repeating it back
to me in correct Chinese but not correcting me. She would say it in the same way a listener in
English might repeat what a speaker says out of surprise or excitement. For example I might say
the Chinese equivalent of "Person letter going house" and with a smile she would say "Ah, the
mailman is here". Then I'd find myself excitedly repeating back to her "Ah, the mailman is here",
all in Chinese of course. She never corrected me per say, she just acknowledged what I said in
correct Chinese. Through a combination of trial and error, sign language and Chinglish we slowly
began to communicate. That went on for as long as they stayed with us and I can't tell you how
much my speech and understanding and excitement for learning improved. Maybe it could work for you
too.










wai ming -



Quote:


Originally Posted by thph2006

When I tried to say something in Chinese my mother in law had this great knack for figuring out
what I was trying to say and repeating it back to me in correct Chinese but not correcting me. She
would say it in the same way a listener in English might repeat what a speaker says out of
surprise or excitement. For example I might say the Chinese equivalent of "Person letter going
house" and with a smile she would say "Ah, the mailman is here". Then I'd find myself excitedly
repeating back to her "Ah, the mailman is here", all in Chinese of course. She never corrected me
per say, she just acknowledged what I said in correct Chinese.


I think this is a really useful way of helping someone with their language learning, provided the
learner actually repeats the whole sentence back correctly. Hearing the correct way of saying
something without actively learning it is of little use.



Quote:


Originally Posted by strawberry_only

And, I did try to speak 100% Chinese to him. but he just sat in his chair and saying : yes, right,
ok to all of my speeches, without questioning me what did i mean!!


So I think if you could get your husband to repeat back what you say to him and actually interact
with you in Chinese, rather than just passively listening, he would probably improve more. After
all, conversation is a two-way street










mirgcire -

I think it is great that you are willing to help him. But, I don't think you should take the role
of teacher, and I don't think you should try to speak chinese all the time. My suggestion is to
set some ground rules about how and when you will use chinese. For example, if he initiates a
conversation in chinese you can follow suit. That would put the responsibility of practice on his
shoulders.

I also suggest you forget about correcting him, unless he asks for it. Probably when he speaks to
other chinese they are very impressed with his ability and ignore his mistakes. Your criticism
might be a bit of a disappointment.

It is his job to learn chinese, not your job to spoon feed it to him. If you set some mutually
agreed upon boundaries, then he can no longer complain about your willingness to help. And he may
actually improve.

I do have some experience with this, as my wife is Japanese. She said learning Japanese was my
responsibility, and there was no reason why she should have to suffer through my attempts at her
language when english is so much easier. I took classes for about two years but eventually gave
up, partly because of her criticism and lack of support but also because japanese is so
incomprehensible. But after our first daugher was born, I was not allowed to speak Japanese in her
presence because my poor pronunciation might have a long term impact. So I feel your husband is
quite lucky










shibole -

My wife is Chinese and I'm an American who just seriously started trying to learn Chinese, so our
situation is a little like yours except that I just started, so there's no dispute that I don't
know anything. Also, our situation is kind of two-way because I'm also trying to teach her better
English.

First I should say that I don't think it's your fault since the responsibility of learning is
really his. It sounds like you've tried to help but you're not a language teacher, so at some
point it gets hard to be that helpful. My wife is learning "advanced" English because she's
writing a book in English, and she wants me to help her improve her grammar, but she's at a point
where I often don't know how to tell her what's wrong with a sentence because I'm not an English
teacher. Sometimes she asks me questions about writing, and I'm like "I'm a native speaker and I
don't even think I can write well. How am I going to help you with writing?" So I just try to
correct her grammar mistakes and hope she learns somehow. It is really frustrating to not be able
to give her a rule to explain what's wrong though, and I keep telling her to take a regular (not
ESL) English class. She does attend a writers' group though which is very helpful to her.

It sounds like you have some specific ideas on what you want him to learn though, like specific
words. Why not just create some vocabulary lists for him to learn on his own? There are free
computer programs that are good for this kind of thing.

Here's another idea: It sounds like he has taken "basic" classes but may not have learned some
parts of basic grammar very well or something. It might be worth having him go through some
"basic" textbooks to help determine what he's weak on and needs to learn better without having to
retake the whole class so to speak. If he can isolate specific chapters that contain things he's
weak on he can just restudy those on his own and practice those concepts speaking to you.

I'm basically trying to learn how to teach myself with the aid of a textbook so I can ask my wife
to help me in specific ways rather than expecting her to become a language teacher and just teach
me. I'm not sure if it will work but that's what I'm trying to do right now.










WoAiJolinTsai -

sounds like he doesnt REALLY want to learn










strawberry_only -

Hi Guys! Thanks for all of you sharing your precious advices and experiences with me, I have read
everyone's replies over and over again and I think all of you are very helpful.

I think maybe sometimes I just expect him speak like a native Chinese to me and I think I just
need to be more patient with him. maybe it' ll take years or life to get his Chinese better but as
long as is improving then I think that's fine.

But I think the problem that my husband having is that he wants to learn it quickly, like he wants
to speak chinese fluently and pass intermediate HSK in half a year, also he works full-time and
its really stressful, he often feeling tired from work and can not concentrate in Chinese studies,
so he felt bit frustrated about he can not achive his dreams quick enough. But I think I do help
him, maybe he is not very happy when he doesnt pass his HSK exam in 6 monthes then he thought I
didn't help him enough...but anyway I will try my best to help my husband to learn Chinese. I
think maybe it is just normal sometimes married couples like to blame each other for some little
things even they knew they didn't mean to.










adrianlondon -

Tell him to use these forums. Not only will be be able to read this thread (and hopefully stop
blaming you!) but he'll also get a feel for how difficult it is to become proficient at the
language, and maybe stop feeling so dejected about it all.










simonlaing -

Hi Strawberry,

I am sorry I am late to conversation but I had one or two points.

One be careful to separate the roles of wife and tutor. If you want to give him Chinese lessons in
addition to the one's he's taking make sure you arrange a set time each week. At those times you
can really be a teacher.

At other times be the supportive wife. When he struggles give him the supportive, compassionate
smile. If he asks if some thing is right when it is obviously wrong, pause, Smile and say "that's
close" then give him a clue to get it obviously.

Someone once told me "Learning Chinese is a 5 year lesson in patience. At the end of 5 years you
still don't know Chinese but you have learned patience." The HSK intermediate is a difficult,
tricky test espicially if he reads slowly like most people. Tell him a 4 out of 8 on the test
would qualify him to study undergraduate classes in China. (This will make him feel better when he
only gets a 3 which is a good score).

If you think his vocabulary is limited offer to help him by making flash cards of the words you
know he doesn't know. (Don't forget the pinyin). Or perhaps you can label things in the house so
he can learn it. I found watching a lot of Movies helped my pronunciation, HK ones with subtitles
are good so he can figure out what is going on. Also KTV VCDs help though I am not sure how
available they are in the UK.

Another slightly sneaky way of showing him his level isn't what he thinks it is , is to hang out
with some Chinese or Western people with very good Chinese and speak chinese and a little English
with them.

Finally you said you weren't sure if he was making progress or not. This is a possibility. My
father listened to french tapes to and from work for 4 years, before giving up. I think having
regular quizes and tests should help him make sure he knows what he knows. (I had tutoring earlier
without tests or homework and it was not very productive. I was working at the same time so it was
easy for me to make excuses) If his Chinese class gives him quizes this should be fine.

You seem like a kind and loving wife. I think simply being sensitive that Learning Chinese is a
difficult thing to do will go a long way.
Good Luck,
Have fun,
Simon










johnd -

I'm British, and my wife is Chinese too. I agree with you that the Chinese will often say things
the way they are, and the British will often construct a round-about statement, or just ignore the
truth and be positive. Maybe the British will offer encouragement, and the Chinese will offer
criticism. I'm not trying to say which way is better, because in each way we are all trying to be
friendly, and to help those we care about.

So to bridge this gap, I suggest you start using the "but" phrase more often. My wife and I are
always joking about this - the British like saying things like "I'd love to help you, but ... I'm
too busy", or "I'd like to go out with you, but ... I have to wash my hair". So you give him a
compliment, and then tell him the truth. You give encouragement, and then offer criticism. "I
think you've worked really hard, but you still need to improve such and such." "Your tones have
got much better this month, but you need to focus on your grammar."

That way he feels the encouragement that he's been conditioned to expect, and you can get across
your point. I hope this is helpful, and that I'm not saying things you already know! All the best












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